I don’t often get that feeling of yay it’s Friday. Mostly because I work on some weekends so it kinda doesn’t have true meaning. 

Even if I will eat a crunchie to try and urge that Friday feeling out of me. 😂

Today I am feeling shitty. I’m stressed, I’m not sleeping well and I have had a headache for 2 days. I just crawled back into bed to try and get more sleep and instantly regretted it. Which is unlike me. 
So I got up and I am now making coffee and I’m going to sit at my desk and create something. I spent a few hours last night tidying and sorting everything out so to come to a clean, tidy desk is like heaven. Like the first sleep in fresh bed linen. 

I need to work on some ideas, get some new product for sale and save pennies. My workspace is competely squished and in my bedroom. It’s quite stressful when everything is in the room you sleep in. Like literally I can poke my workspace from my bed. I have the option to add a garden studio this year if I can save enough for it come summertime, so I’d really like to do that. It’s a stepping stone between the here and the never ending climb to owning my own place. Though that probably won’t ever happen for me, I’ve gotta try at least.

I still live in the home I grew up in, and as much as I love this house, it’s a safe haven for me with all my issues, I hate it too. I just feel like I need to get out. It’s an awful feeling to find yourself with. The need to be home for mental wellbeing and the need to get out for the fear of being trapped here. Ugh.
And to top it all off I’ve gotta get ready for my tax return. Oh adult life, aren’t you a delight. 😒

Vegan Extremism.

This is a rant. I am pissed off.

I am so sick to death of vegan extremists spouting out all their shit about why you should do this and not eat that and blah blah blah.


I know that there is pig in my bacon, I know that milk from cows is great for the calves. I know that a chicken has to be killed before I can eat it.

I know that you don’t want to eat dairy or eggs or anything animal product.


It’s really frustrating, sickening almost, how much effort these vegan extremists put into shaming the rest of the world for what they eat. If you want to be a vegan, be one, but don’t then force your ideals down everyone else’s throat.

I am a Christian[loosely!], I am not sitting here telling you that you NEED to be one. It’s none of my fucking business. Identify yourself however you like, stick whatever labels you like on yourself, just stop trying to push it on anyone else. Stop the stupid shock videos and general bullshit about how other people live.

Stop shaming the rest of the world. If I want to eat a cake I will eat one. If I want a glass of milk, I will have one. If you don’t, then don’t  have them. I don’t give a shit what you eat, it doesn’t impact my life. What other people do shouldn’t affect yours.

Extremism is not okay. Shaming people for not conforming to how you live is not okay.

100 days of Odd Hearts.

Those of you that know me, know that I paint A LOT. I have set myself a challenge to create one mixed media piece a day for 100 days. I will share my progress pictures on my Facebook business page. Which you can find here, if you’re interested.

I’ve completed day one and two already.

I might periodically update here with a photo of all the ones I’ve done so far.

The reasoning behind setting myself a goal like this is to give me a focus, to keep me occupied everyday. To give me a goal to work toward and it will allow me to develop and practice in my skills. I believe it’s important to give yourself short term achievable goals for the benefit of your mental health and your mind. Things often become mundane, the routines get boring and then all of a sudden we’ve switched on autopilot for the every day. We lose ourselves and we aren’t even present in our own lives. This is something for me, that I can share with others too. It’s a double whammy.

Try setting yourself small milestone goals. It doesn’t have to be a big thing. Something as simple as cooking a fresh meal EVERY day without taking something from the freezer, or trying a different hairstyle every day for a week. See how you go, reward yourself at the end. Document your progress and record how you feel, what you gain and what you would do differently if you were to do another similar thing.

Find your happy. 

When you live with mental illness the world becomes different. Different but not necessarily all in a bad way.

 I ride the storm of the bad days better than ever lately and I do feel like I am finally starting to conquer them. 
Today I am embracing my happy. And that to me is an accomplishment. I am okay with my bad days. It’s taken me a long time to be okay with not being okay, but even longer to embrace any happiness. I felt like a fraud for being ‘too happy’ when I am supposedly depressed. 

Now?! I know that depression isn’t always a perpetual state of low emotion and that having the glimmer of the happiness keeps me going. 

Fight your battles, cry your tears, love without limits and find your happy! 

Sunday, oh Sunday

How wonderfully peaceful you are. No work today, I’ve binge watched a whole season of Project Runway since yesterday and I’m tucked up in bed.
I know I should get up and be productive, but I’m tired. I’m so very tired and for once I don’t have any looming deadlines to meet. A rare day all to myself to sleep, eat and watch whatever I want on TV. 
I might even feel an urge to be creative later, I find that I am motivated more when I don’t have to do something but I feel like I want to do it. I’m happy to get some work done later if the mood strikes but I’m not forcing myself to do anything and that feels fantastic. 
I can’t remember the last day I’ve had like this were I am able to fully enjoy a day off doing nothing with no niggling pressure in the back of my head that it will put me behind schedule. I’m listening to the wind blow and the birdsong and it’s utterly perfect. I know that this is just what I need to recharge my batteries and actually think I might do this every Sunday when I’m not at work. It’s important to look after me in the whirlwind and chaos of living. 

Killing Time Shouldn’t Be Killing You.

So there you have it, my 6 favourite ways to escape my own head

Yes this is quite a dramatic title, but it is fitting for how I’m feeling today.

If I am bored, if I have spare time to fill – that I’m not using to nap! Then I need to be doing something. If I spend too long inside my own head with no distractions I know that it would be detrimental to my mental health.

Yes it’s good to delve in there, have a root around and do some filing in that ol’ brain of yours, but if you haven’t set out with that plan when you start drifting into the unknown depths of your own mind it can get scary and quickly.

It’s always good to have few things that you enjoy, to pick up when you feel yourself wandering in to the darkest depths when you’re not ready for it. Here’s a few things I tend to sway toward.

Number 1 – Reading.

Whether you are a bookworm or not it’s always wise to have a couple of books around to leaf through or get lost in rather than getting lost in your head. I tend to have a variety available from photography filled books that require little reading and not too much focus, to novels and various things in between. Currently I am reading ‘The Sun Is Also A Star’ by Nicola Yoon. You can pick it up on Amazon for a few quid.

Number 2 – Something Creative, I usually paint or bake.

This one isn’t for everyone. Lots of people loathe creativity but I think that’s more out of thinking they’re not in the least bit creative. I disbelieve that, I think everybody is capable of creativity in one way or another. You don’t have to be Van Gogh to create a marvellous painting and sometimes, just throwing paint at a blank canvas is quite the release. Messy play is an age old thing that we often don’t follow on into our adulthood. That, in my opinion, is a great shame.

And if arty stuff isn’t your thing, dig out the recipe books! What’s better than a slice of homemade bread or a piece of cake with a brew and a good book for a little bit of ‘me time’!? Not many things.

Number 3  – Go for a walk.

Surprising one from an agoraphobic, I know. However I have an almost 1 year old puppy, so getting out of the house is a daily battle for me, but I am starting to win it more regularly. It doesn’t have to be a long, scenic route. A simple jaunt to the shops or round the block for 20 minutes with your headphones in is good enough to distract your brain and gets your some little exercise endorphins too.

Number 4 – Music.

I’ve discussed this before. Music is something any one can enjoy when they find the sounds that their souls dance too. Explore some new sounds. Listen to something you wouldn’t normally choose, you might surprise yourself. Learn a new instrument, give your brain a challenge to focus on and yield some new skills. This technically falls into creativity too! Two birds and all that.

Number 5 – Watch a film.

I am a sucker for watching films when I am creeping off into pit of despair that is my noggin’. I usually pick from the same 10 – 15 films. Ranging from The Aristocats to The Shawshank Redemption. Really the choice is yours, maybe you could watch something you’ve never seen or find something old that you’ve not seen in ages and fall in love with it all over again. It’s a great way to lose yourself in the moments of another life story without actually leaving your bed/sofa/house.

Number 6 – Get a Hobby.

I have a few, I appear to be eclectic and chaotic in most aspects of my life. My biggest hobby of the moment is Philately – Stamp collecting. I love seeing the designs from all over the world, wondering about the journey of each stamp, the message it was posted to carry. It’s very easy to get lost in the mystery of the unknown behind a well travelled stamp. I don’t collect for valuable stamps. I like to collect for variety of country and design. It evokes many emotions imagining the story behind each stamp.

So there you have it, my 6 favourite ways to escape my own head. I am aware this list of things are quite common ways to kill time, but that is because they work for so many people. Obviously not everyone will find something here – but there is a nice variety of not too taxing things that give you just a few moments of peace in your loud, overwhelming lives.