Confidence – I never used to have it. 

Ok. I’m gonna say this. I have always been self conscious, for the most part of my adult life but lately I’ve come to the realisation that I’m still a good person regardless of the body I am in. So I’m gonna be over here living my chubby life. 😂
I’m fat – I know this. I don’t need people to tell me that I’m not fat. I am not blind and I know that I could do with losing a few pound. 

I live in this body, I know it pretty well after 30 years. I also don’t care that I’m a fat bastard anymore. 
Could I lose weight? Probably. 
Is it your place to tell me so? Unless you’re my doctor [who probably doesn’t know what i look like seeing as I can’t get an appointment anyway] then NO!  
Should I do it for the benefit of others? Hell f*cking no! 
Being fat doesn’t mean I’m not healthy. Yeah I could be healthier but most of us could.

I also probably eat better than 50% of the skinnier girls you seem to love so much. If it affects your life so much then maybe you should do something about YOUR life because I’m living mine the best way I know how and my weight or shape [ROUND🤣]shouldn’t bother you.
You’re uncomfortable when my shirt rides up and my chubby belly shows? That’s a shame because I’m quite comfortable not sweating my balls off in this heat. 

I’m human too. I just happen to be a fatter one than you. Big deal. 
Don’t like it? Then see ya later, because I just don’t care anymore. I’m going to flash my Caspar white tummy all I want.

I’m not 100% confident all the time but for now I am, so I’m gonna enjoy it. 

Overweight doesn’t mean unfit.  

I needed some new clothes, the seasons are changing and I just wanted to add a couple of bits to the wardrobe so I don’t die in this heat we’re getting. 

I loathe clothes shopping, always have, always will no doubt. Being a big girl with the addition of my anxiety and all that shit, going to actual clothes shops to try things on is a crappy task that I avoid at all costs. 

I got more and more frustrated – being a fatpie in a clothes shop isn’t very fun, but mostly I just couldn’t get over the clothes. Nothing seems to be anything I want, the ‘on trend’ fabrics are plasticy and hot as hell for this time of year or mesh. Like literal see through mesh. That doesn’t look good on the satsumas so it isn’t gonna look good any many humans. 

One woman was talking with my mum and we were discussing how frustrated I was, with the weird selection of fabrics, colours patterns and the bigger you want clothes the shittier they seem to get. Anyway…
She said ‘have you tried getting a bike.’ Like I need telling to exercise from a skinny person when I’m already pissed off.

I said ‘well I walk 6miles a day minimum on average with the dog, anyway.’ 

She looked so taken aback by the fact that a fat person does more exercise than she does as a skinny person. I’m fat, it’s not like I don’t know it – I don’t care if people judge me, but for crying out loud at least try not to look like I’ve just hopped on a unicorn when I say that I do actually exercise a bit. 
Yeah I should probably look at moving more and eating better choices but that is for me to decide not anyone else. I’m not unhappy because I’m fat. I’m unhappy because I happen to have a mental illness that thrives on me being that way. 
I got some shorts anyway and I think I will avoid clothes shops for as long as possible. Mostly because of the bloody people in them. So what if I am fat, I still need to put clothes on and it shouldn’t be such a chore to find basics in a multitude of shops. But it is.