The good, the bad and the ugly..

When you live with a mental illness or two, you find that things ebb and flow. Like the pull of the moon on the ocean. 

 Certain things can lift your mood right up and other things drag it so far down. Many people struggle most with the latter. No one really likes a low mood, whether you’re ‘

depressed’ or not, but some people actually struggle with the lighter side of things.

 You see, having depression does funny things to your brain, you begin to think that you shouldn’t ever be feeling happy if you have depression. When you’re coming out of a low slump and feel that little burst of ‘today isn’t that bad’ it can make you feel like a fraud.

Like your diagnosis, ‘your label’ is the be all and end all of your existence and that you should always fit into that stereotype. 

When people say things like ‘you don’t look depressed’ it could be fatal. That person may already be at the end of their tether. Using all the spare energy they can muster to put on a brave face and go out that day and you’ve just crushed everything with 4 little words. 

If you know someone with depression, or someone opens up about their mental illness, try to think before you make a flippant remark. Try ‘how are you doing?’ Or ‘do you need anything?’ 

Those 4 words can make a difference for the better – this gives you one person that cares. One person that is there for you that day and sometimes that is all it takes to change the mindset of a person. 

Please be nice to people, you don’t know what is going on under the surface, behind that bubbly smile. 
Suicide and suicidal thoughts are very real problems that are not as outwardly shown as other things. The death of person simply because they have a chemical imbalance that tells them death is the better option than tirelessly fighting a losing battle. I don’t think we will ever completely eradicate suicide, but we can certainly make huge progress towards making it less common. 
Right now, I’m doing moderately okay. I’m not jumping for joy but I’m also not planning the route the bridge. 

Loneliness and the importance of human connections.

Having a mental illness can be very lonely, although you know you’re not the only person to suffer, it often feels like you are the only one feeling a certain way. Likelihood is, everyone has felt lonely and isolated at some point in their lives, with or without mental illness. It’s something that we all experience, but with mental illness the frequency is higher and the effects stronger.

I totally understand the need to lock ourselves away when we are in the depths of a depression and I am totally guilty of just shutting the whole world out. I also know that I need human connection to pull me back into focus. I probably wouldn’t be here if I didn’t have the interactions I have with other people. It doesn’t even need to be face to face, all interactions are just as important when you’re struggling. In all honesty, with my anxieties and such, face to face isn’t my ideal scenario. I depend on my online and text connections more often than I do meeting up with an actual person.

It’s so important to establish a network of people who you know you can turn to when you just need someone. I’m not talking about someone to purely offload about how you’re feeling. I mean people you know are there if you just need a good laugh, cry, conversation about the moon or to connect with over some other random topics that just take your mind away from the darkness for a short while. One person that you can just send ‘hey, I could really do with…[insert need]’ and know that they’ll be there for you is all it takes. I am very fortunate that I have a few wonderful humans in my life that mean the world to me and I can always rely on if I need it. These people are lifelines to me, whether they think so or not. I am lucky, and I know many people don’t have that luxury to help them through the darker days and trying times.

If you feel like you really don’t have anyone like that – reach out. I am happy to be at the end of a message if you just need to offload, or talk to someone.

There are also lots of great organisations that could help. I’ve popped a list below. You are never alone and there is always, always, someone to talk to. You’re never wasting people’s time and you are not a burden.

www.samaritans.org
www.mind.org.uk
www.anxietyuk.org.uk
www.together-uk.org
www.mentalhealth.org.uk
www.rethink.org

For under 25’s
https://youngminds.org.uk <this is also great for parents of younger people.
www.themix.org.uk
www.childline.org.uk

For those in later life
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/

For students
www.nightline.ac.uk

For pregnant women and new mothers.
www.tommys.org
https://www.bestbeginnings.org.uk/

For men
www.thecalmzone.net

For service personnel and veterans.
www.helpforheroes.org.uk
www.combatstress.org.uk
Overseas – I don’t really have much knowledge in this area, being from the UK, but I have found a few links that may help you.

USA – https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/
https://www.mentalhealth.gov/get-help/
Australia – https://mhaustralia.org/need-help
Canada – http://www.cmha.ca/mental-health/find-help/
New Zealand – https://www.mentalhealth.org.nz/get-help
South Africa – http://www.safmh.org.za/index.php/get-help

A huge list of resources for many places in the world.
http://togetherweare-strong.tumblr.com/helpline

 

Walk a mile in my shoes…

Every person in life will have a different journey. Though experiences may be similar, events, friends & family may be the same, the journey will always be different.

It’s all personal, the way each of us experience the same situations and encounter various people. We’re built up and broken down at different times and in different ways. You may be able to relate to certain things other people say, or do but you will never truly know exactly how the rest of the population experiences things.

People struggle with different things, and everyone has something they are dealing with, whether you know it or not. I happen to be very open with my mental illness journey, ergo many people already kind of know what’s going on with me. However, there are days and weeks where I don’t show just how I feel, where the wall goes up and the ‘smiley, I am okay’ Emily surfaces. This isn’t because I can’t say anything, but because I don’t want to.

I have gotten quite good at my Emily act and it’s very easy for my to keep the sensitive, troubled Emily Rose hidden away to the outside world. Many people who meet me are surprised when I reveal that I suffer with mental illness. It’s almost comical to see how their faces simply can’t compute the bubbly smile with an internal hatred of self. It’s a constant draining battle to keep that façade but ultimately, it’s the way of the world. Most people ask how you are as a pleasantry, not because they’re genuinely interested in the inner workings of your brain that day.

You see, despite most people knowing that I have mental illness, I still feel the stigma and I do feel [insert a million negative emotions] for the way certain things can completely change my mood. The happiest situations can still bring on a negative emotion in my head. Which is then followed with a butterfly effect of things that begin the anxiety fuelled spiral into the darkest depths of my beautifully broken brain.

I don’t think we will ever fully understand each other, but we still need to spend the time being open with those we trust. Sharing our experiences and feelings on the different things we all experience, even day-to-day things. It’s important to talk and to listen. To have that human connection and grow strong relationships with people who can help you along in your journey. To build each other up and support each other through the good and the bad times.

Walk a mile in my shoes!?  All this gets you is a mile travelled and possible sore feet because my shoes won’t fit you properly. However, your feet will heal and at the end of it, you won’t know me any better, you won’t feel anything like I feel.  My journey is mine and it’s never going to match yours.

 

Hello Friday – now go away 

First things first – accountability – I bought scratchcards. I did win a fiver, but entirely not the point.

Good now that’s outta the way.
I’ve had what feels like about 7 minutes of sleep. Horrible, harrowing nightmares are back, so it looks like I’m in for a long ride with this lack of sleep. I usually get a fairly long bout of the nightmares, always hopeful it will be a one off though. 

Another thing people don’t really understand about the mind, is that it is a fantastic thing. It has the power to make you feel every emotion and cripple you even in your sleep. My depression brings exhaustion, which messes with my sleep and my tired brain likes to scare me, and make me anxious. It’s a vicious cycle. Another horrible aspect of having mental health problems 
I would go back to bed but actually I feel slightly scared about what my brain will bring me in that moment. So I’m going to try and busy myself with a puzzle or some thing. 
😴